Zmatená duše

The sense that trhe external world was unreal or strange, like living in some hellish dream-like state (no, přesně to mám, akorát je to realita). In other terms, I was fucked (you are). Ne, to by vás nemělo uklidnit. You hear that? Yes. Is that bad? Disphoric is when you just dont feel right in your own skin. I suffering here. Its important that you socialize, even if you have to force yourself. Two pills cut my feelings of hopelessness by a third. Sexual disfunction. It got so bad, the average sexual act did nothing for me. I had to find the most extreme 20 seconds of footage and play it over and over until it did the trick. I figured out that I have already spent 2650 Dollars on sessions and I still feel crazier than I ever did. So, if you were snoring. I think you are making this bigger than it needs to be. You would also think, at those kind of prices, if we ran into each other at a restaurant, you could acknowledge me as something more than patient. Obviously you are upset. I think I m a little upset bcs I rely on you. you are my touchstone to my mental health and I think we have kind of a bond (SNORING). Fuck me. Intense exercise (vs practice) was my next course of action. I red if you could raise your endorphins high enough, it could somehow alter your brain chemistry (Crank). Hyperventilation (překysličení – vím). That girl is an angel. Theres something different about this girl. Its just that theres also something very different about money coming in. Whats your biggest fear? For some reason I think that saying it might make it happen. Out? I thought we were gonna watch the Star Wars trilogy with the commentary. So even though the Millenium Falcon was the oldest plane, it ended up saving all of them. Maybe it gives me a wraped sense of control or some adrenaline (no jasně, to mu chybí). Its only small stuff. It doesnt matter, its not right (blbost, když mu to pomáhá, muže jim tam udělat větší utratu, nechat dýško). Speed up my recovery. I m psychotic? No. Bcs I feel psychotic sometimes. The fact that you are asking the question proves that you are not. Well then why am I taking psychotic medication? Ty rozhovory s psychologama – a psychiatrama – jsou nejlepší. Bcs in small doses it can be quite helpful with mood (divalproex sodium), which I think is contributing to your problem. But I thought thats why I was on clonazepam. Well is this gonna help with my depersonalization? Thats what we are gonna find out. Well, what about the side effects? Nothing to be concerned about. Have you taken an antipsychotic before? No, I m not psychotic. My alternatives were slim. Permanent spaciness or rare, irreversible facial twitching. Relationship with reality. I see your lips moving and hear you talking, but it just doesnt feel real to me (ona ho z toho měla právě dostat). This all started with the pot (ne, ta dokáže horší věci). They give me pills, but I dont think Im taking the right ones, bcs they just make me feel worse. I feel like we are the last ppl on earth. I wish it was like this all the time (stejný – potom, co je vlastnoručně odbleším). Let me put your mind at ease. Ppl who talk about killing themselves very rarely carry it out (ona byla vážně zvláštní případ – obě si naplánovaly smrt dopředu). I would never let a girl go to my shrink. Well, she knows too much about you now. I would just be concerned that she would use it against me. Like a trump card. Whenever she wants, boom, shes got that. No, Sara would never do that. I become numb to the labels (děj odpovídá názvu filmu). I just wanted relief. Just one more tournament. Lets get married (to jste měli udělat dávno předtím, než jste se spolu poprvý vyspali). Marriage is a motherfucker of a responsibility. Fucked up state of mind that nobody seems to have a clue what to do with (já myslím, že ti nic není). Cognitive behaviorism. The deal was you could change the way you felt by altering your negative tinking. But why tempt fate? Bcs it will lower your anxiety and help you get better. You are very sweet, but my only concern is that you get better. Is that why you blushed (červenat se) back there? As a way to recovery Dr. Blaine thought it a good idea to e-MAIL me cognitive excercises I could practice outside our sessions (s mojí psycholožkou si taky dopisuju, akorát nemám v plánu ji píchat). First assignment, monitor my daily begative thoughts. It explains how high cortisol levels increase adrenaline, which could have a bearing on the feeling of depersonalization. Its a shack (chatrč). Almost like a sanctuary (svatyně). Charming, funny and attractive, but things as they are, nothing can ever happen on that level (velice profesionální). She said it was the first time she’d had sex in seven yrs. It was like having a wounded animal on top of me. Inexcusable. A terrible line has been crossed. I become a cognitive whore. Its me again. Call me at home when you can. I hope I havent filled up your machine. I suppose I have spent so many yrs listening to other ppls feelings that I have neglected my own. I love you! I thought you were dealing with it? Its just I cannot get you out of my mind (ted se mi to začíná líbit). Fifteen yrs of cognitive training, I might just know a little something about feelings. May I just ask one question? Why dont we wait till we get out of the restaurant? Calm down? Špatně zvolený slova. You have depersonalization disorder. Well, I know that. How do I get rid of it? To je porucha osobnosti, ne? Jsem nad tím dosud nepřemýšlel. Není to duševní porucha v pravém slova smaslu a „trpí“ jí 90% populace. Akorát on má něco jinýho. Tímdle označej psychiatři každýho, s kým si neví rady, protože má jíný pohled na svět. So, what do I do? There are medications. I have taken them all. And therapies. I have done with them. Then I suggest you try to accept it. You suggest I try to accept it? I do know of an excellent cognitive behaviorist at ULCA/SOS centrum praha whos proven helpful. Chtějí si ho přehodit, aby jim z něj něco káplo. Svině. Výbornej film, kterej tydle duševní mrzáky ukazuje v jejich pravém světle. I needed a quick fix of manic adrenaline, to snap me back into a semblace (vypadat) of reality. What are you staring at (už jsem se ho chtěl zeptat). Shoplifted a pair of aerosoles. Good shoe. Do I look familiar to you? So is that real enough to you? Maybe I had a predisposition all along. I was my own problem. we need to have a session to discuss you ending your session (přesně na todle mají čas). This is your brain chemistry talking. This should square us up. (20.05.2020) (méně) (více)